Shadow and Betrayal Page 19

  ‘I’ve never told anyone,’ he said, ‘until now. Until you.’

  ‘You . . .’ Liat began, then had to stop, swallow, begin again. ‘You’re the son of the Khai Machi?’

  ‘I didn’t tell you at first because I didn’t know you. And then later because I hadn’t before. But I love you. And I trust you. I do. And I want you to be with me. Will you forgive me?’

  ‘Is this . . . are you lying to me, ’Tani?’

  ‘No,’ he said. ‘It’s truth. You can ask Maati if you’d like. He knows as well.’

  Liat’s throat was too tight to speak. Itani rose and lifted his arms up to her in supplication, the water flowing down his naked chest, fear in his eyes - fear that she would turn away from him. She melted down into the water, into his arms. Her robes, drinking in the water, were heavy as weights, but she didn’t care. She pulled him to her, pulled him close, pressed her face against his. There were tears on their cheeks, but she didn’t know whether they were hers or his. His arms surrounded her, lifted her, safe and strong and amazing.

  ‘I knew,’ she said. ‘I knew you were something. I knew there was something about you. I always knew.’

  He kissed her then. It was unreal - like something out of an old epic story. She, Liat Chokavi, was the lover of the hidden child of the Khai Machi. He was hers. She pulled back from him, framing his face with her hands, staring at him as if seeing him for the first time.

  ‘I didn’t mean to hurt you,’ he said.

  ‘Am I hurt?’ she asked. ‘I could fly, love. I could fly.’

  He held her fiercely then, like a drowning man holding the plank that might save him. And she matched him before pulling off her ruined robes and letting them sink into the bath like water plants at their ankles. Skin to skin they stood, the bath cool around their hips, and Liat let her heart sing with the thought that one day, her lover might take his father’s seat and power. One day, he might be Khai.

  9

  Maati started awake when Heshai-kvo’s hand touched his shoulder. The poet drew back, his wide frog-mouth quirking up at the ends. Maati sat up and pushed the netting aside. His head felt stuffed with cotton.

  ‘I have to leave soon,’ Heshai-kvo said, his voice low and amused. ‘I didn’t want to leave you to sleep through the whole day. Waking at sundown only makes the next day worse.’

  Maati took a pose of query. It didn’t specify a question, but Heshai-kvo took the sense of it.

  ‘It’s just past midday,’ he said.

  ‘Gods,’ Maati said and pulled himself up. ‘I apologize, Heshai-kvo. I will be ready in . . .’

  Heshai-kvo lumbered to the doorway, waving his protests away. He was already wearing the brown formal robes and his sandals were strapped on.

  ‘Don’t. There’s nothing going on you need to know. I just didn’t want you to feel ill longer than you needed to. There’s fruit downstairs, and fresh bread. Sausage if you can stomach it, but I’d start slow if I were you.’

  Maati took a pose of apology.

  ‘I have failed in my duties, Heshai-kvo. I should not have stayed in the city so long nor slept so late.’

  Heshai-kvo clapped his hands in mock anger and pointed an accusing hand at Maati.

  ‘Are you the teacher here?’

  ‘No, Heshai-kvo.’

  ‘Then I’ll decide when you’re failing your duties,’ he said and winked.

  When he was gone, Maati lay back on his cot and pressed his palm to his forehead. With his eyes closed, he felt as if the cot was moving, floating down some silent river. He forced his eyes back open, aware as he did that he’d already fallen halfway back to sleep. With a sigh, he forced himself up, stripped off his robes in trade for clean ones, and went down to the breakfast Heshai-kvo had promised.

  The afternoon stretched out hot and thick and sultry before him. Maati bathed himself and straightened his belongings - something he hadn’t done in days. When the servant came to take away the plates and leavings, Maati asked that a pitcher of limed water be sent up.

  By the time it arrived, he’d found the book he wanted, and went out to sit under the shade of trees by the pond. The world smelled rich and green as fresh-cut grass as he arranged himself. With only the buzzing of insects and the occasional wet plop of koi striking the surface, Maati opened the brown leather book and read. The first page began:Not since the days of the First Empire have poets worked more than one binding in a lifetime. We may look back at the prodigality of those years with longing now, knowing as they did not that the andat unbound would likely not be recovered. But the price of our frugality is this: we as poets have made our first work our last like a carpenter whose apprentice chair must also be the masterwork for which he is remembered. As such it becomes our duty to examine our work closely so that later generations may gain from our subtle failures. It is in this spirit that I, Heshai Antaburi, record the binding I performed as a child of the andat Removing-The-Part-That-Would-Continue along with my notes on how I would have avoided error had I known my heart better.

  Heshai-kvo’s handwriting was surprisingly beautiful, and the structure of the volume as compelling as an epic. He began with the background of the andat and what he hoped to accomplish by it. Then, in great detail, the work of translating the thought, moving it from abstract to concrete, giving it form and flesh. Then, when the story of the binding was told, Heshai-kvo turned back on it, showing the faults where an ancient grammar allowed an ambiguity, where form clashed with intent. Discords that Maati would never, he thought, have noticed were spread before him with a candor that embarrassed him. Beauty that edged to arrogance, strength that fed willfulness, confidence that was also contempt. And with that, how each error had its root in Heshai’s own soul. And while reading these confessions embarrassed him, they also fed a small but growing respect for his teacher and the courage it took to put such things to paper.

  The sun had fallen behind the treetops and the cicadas begun their chorus when Maati reached the third section of the book, what Heshai called his corrected version. Maati looked up and found the andat on the bridge, looking back at him. The perfect planes of his cheeks, the amused intelligence in his eyes. Maati’s mind was still half within the work that had formed them.

  Seedless took a pose of greeting formal and beautiful, and strode across the rest of the span towards him. Maati closed the book.

  ‘You’re being studious,’ Seedless said as he drew near. ‘Fascinating, isn’t it? Useless, but fascinating.’

  ‘I don’t see why it would be useless.’

  ‘His corrected version is too near what he did before. I can’t be bound the same way twice. You know that. So writing a variation on a complete work makes about as much sense as apologizing to someone you’ve just killed. You don’t mind that I join you.’

  The andat stretched out on the grass, his dark eyes turned to the south and the palaces and, invisible beyond them, the city. The perfect fingers plucked at the grass.

  ‘It lets others see the mistakes he made,’ Maati said.

  ‘If it showed them the mistakes they were making, it would be useful,’ Seedless said. ‘Some errors you can only see once you’ve committed them.’

  Maati took a pose that could be taken as agreement or mere politeness. Seedless smiled and pitched a blade of grass toward the water.

  ‘Where’s Heshai-kvo?’

  ‘Who knows? The soft quarter, most likely. Or some teahouse that rents out rooms by the ships. He’s not looking to tomorrow with glee in his heart. And what about you, my boy? You’ve turned out to be a better study than I’d have guessed. You’ve already mastered staying out, consorting with men below your station, and missing meetings. It took Heshai years to really get the hang of that.’

  ‘Bitter?’ Maati said. Seedless laughed and shifted to look at him directly. The beautiful face was rueful and amused.

  ‘I had a bad day,’ the andat said. ‘I found something I’d lost, and it turned out not to have been worth finding. And you? Feel
ing ready for the grand ceremony tomorrow?’

  Maati took a pose of affirmation. The andat grinned, and then like a candle melting, his expression turned to something else, something conflicted that Maati couldn’t entirely read. The cicadas in their trees went silent suddenly as if they were a single voice. A moment later, they began again.

  ‘Is there . . .’ the andat said, and trailed off, taking a pose that asked for silence while Seedless reconsidered his words. Then, ‘Maati-kya. If there was something you wanted of me. Some favor you would ask of me, even now. Something that I might do or . . . or forbear. Ask, and I’ll do it. Whatever it is. For you, I’ll do it.’

  Maati looked at the pale face, the skin that seemed to glow like porcelain in the failing light.

  ‘Why?’ Maati asked. ‘Why would you offer that to me?’

  Seedless smiled and shifted with the sound of fine cloth against grass.

  ‘To see what you’d ask,’ Seedless said.

  ‘What if I asked for something you didn’t want to give me?’

  ‘It would be worth it,’ Seedless said. ‘It would tell me something about your heart, and knowing that would justify some very high prices. Anything you want to have started, or anything you want to stop.’

  Maati felt the beginning of a blush and shifted forward, considering the surface of the pond and the fish - pale and golden - beneath it. When he spoke, his voice was low.

  ‘Tomorrow, when the time comes for the . . . when Heshai-kvo is set to finish the sad trade, don’t fight him. I saw the two of you with the cotton when I first came, and I’ve seen you since. You always make him force you. You always make him struggle to accomplish the thing. Don’t do that to him tomorrow.’

  Seedless nodded, a sad smile on his perfect, soft lips.

  ‘You’re a sweet boy. You deserve better than us,’ the andat said. ‘I’ll do as you ask.’

  They sat in silence as the sunlight faded - the stars glimmering first a few, then a handful, then thousands upon thousands. The palaces glowed with lanterns, and sometimes Maati caught a thread of distant music.

  ‘I should light the night candle,’ Maati said.

  ‘If you wish,’ Seedless said, but Maati found he wasn’t rising or returning to the house. Instead, he was staring at the figure before him, a thought turning restlessly in his mind. The subtle weight of the leather book in his sleeve and Seedless’ strange, quiet expression mixed and shifted and moved him.

  ‘Seedless-cha. I was wondering if I might ask you a question. Now, while we’re still friends.’

  ‘Now you’re playing on my sentiments,’ the andat said, amused. Maati took a pose of cheerful agreement and Seedless replied with acceptance. ‘Ask.’

  ‘You and Heshai-kvo are in a sense one thing, true?’

  ‘Sometimes the hand pulls the puppet, sometimes the puppet pulls the hand, but the string runs both ways. Yes.’

  ‘And you hate him.’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Mustn’t you also hate yourself, then?’

  The andat shifted to a crouch and with the air of a man considering a painting, looked up at the poet’s house, dark now in the starlight. He was silent for so long that Maati began to wonder if he would answer at all. When he did speak, his voice was little above a whisper.

  ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘Always.’

  Maati waited, but the andat said nothing more. At last, Maati gathered his things and rose to go inside. He paused beside the unmoving andat and touched Seedless’ sleeve. The andat didn’t move, didn’t speak, accepted no more comfort than a stone would. Maati went to the house and lit the night candle and lemon candles to drive away the insects, and prepared himself for sleep.

  Heshai returned just before dawn, his robes stained and reeking of cheap wine. Maati helped him prepare for the audience, the sad trade, the ceremony. Fresh robes, washed hair, fresh-shaved chin. The redness of his eyes, Maati could do nothing for. Throughout, Seedless haunted the corners of the room, unusually silent. Heshai drank little, ate less, and as the sun topped the trees, lumbered out and down the path with Maati and Seedless following.

  It was a lovely day, clouds building over the sea and to the east, towering white as cotton and taller than mountains. The palaces were alive with servants and slaves and the utkhaiem moving gracefully about their business. And the poets, Maati supposed, moving about theirs.

  The party from House Wilsin was at the low hall before them. The pregnant girl stood outside, attended by servants, fidgeting with the skirts that were designed for the day, cut to protect her modesty but not catch the child as it left her. Maati felt the first real qualm pass over him. Heshai-kvo marched past woman and servants and slaves, his bloodshot eyes looking, Maati guessed, for Liat Chokavi who was, after all, overseeing the trade.

  They found her inside the hall, pacing and muttering to herself under her breath. She was dressed in white robes shot with blue: mourning colors. Her hair was pulled back to show the softness of her cheek, the curve of her neck. She was beautiful - the sort of woman that Otah-kvo would love and that would love him in return. Her gaze rose as they entered, the three of them, and she took a pose of greeting.

  ‘Can we do this thing?’ Heshai-kvo snapped, only now that Maati had known the man longer, he heard the pain underneath the gruff-ness. The dread.

  ‘The physician will be here shortly,’ Liat said.

  ‘He’s late?’

  ‘We’re early, Heshai-kvo,’ Maati said gently.

  The poet glared at him, then shrugged and moved to the far end of the hall to stare sullenly out the window. Seedless, meeting Maati’s gaze, pursed his lips, shrugged and walked out into the sunlight. Maati, left alone before the woman, took a pose of formal greeting which she returned.

  ‘Forgive Heshai-kvo,’ Maati said softly enough to keep his voice from carrying. ‘He hates the sad trade. It . . . it would be a very long story, and likely not worth the telling. Only don’t judge him too harshly from this.’

  ‘I won’t,’ Liat said. Her manner was softer, less formal. She seemed, in fact, on the verge of grinning. ‘Itani told me about it. He mentioned you as well.’

  ‘He has been very kind in . . . showing me the city,’ Maati said, taken by surprise. ‘I knew very little about Saraykeht before I came here.’

  Liat smiled and touched his sleeve.

  ‘I should thank you,’ she said. ‘If it wasn’t for you, I don’t know when he would have gotten the courage to tell me about . . . about his family.’

  ‘Oh,’ Maati said. ‘Then he . . . you know?’

  She took a pose of confirmation that implied a complicity Maati found both thrilling and uneasing. The secret was now shared among three. And that was as many as could ever know. In a way, it bound them, he and Liat. Two people who shared some kind of love for Otah-kvo.

  ‘Perhaps we will be able to know each other better, once the trade is completed,’ Maati said. ‘The three of us, I mean.’

  ‘I would like that,’ Liat said. She grinned, and Maati found himself grinning back. He wondered what they would look like to someone else - the student poet and the trade house overseer beaming at each other just before the sad trade. He forced himself into a more sober demeanor.

  ‘The woman, Maj,’ he said. ‘All went well with her, I hope?’

  Liat shrugged and leaned closer to him. She smelled of an expensive perfume, earthy and rich more than floral, like fresh turned soil.

  ‘Keep it between us, but she’s been a nightmare,’ Liat said. ‘She means well, I suppose, but she’s flighty as a child and doesn’t seem to remember what I’ve told her from one day to the next.’

  ‘Is she . . . simple?’

  ‘I don’t think so. Only . . . unconcerned, I suppose. They have different ways of looking at things on Nippu. Her translator told me about it. They don’t think the child’s a person until it draws its first breath, so she didn’t even want to wear mourning colors.’

  ‘Really? I hadn’t heard that. I thought
the eastern islands were . . . stricter, I suppose. If that’s the way to say it.’

  ‘Apparently not.’

  ‘Is he here? The translator?’

  ‘No,’ Liat said, taking a pose that expressed her impatience. ‘No, something came up and he had to leave. Wilsin-cha had him teach me all the phrases I need to know for the ceremony. I’ve been practicing. I can’t tell you how pleased I’ll be to have this over.’